We Almost Had It All
by Ruthyroo
Summary: This is a one shot after Fridays E4 episode for the lovely Children of Summer xx Brendan's POV.


**This one shot is for the lovely children of Summer **

**We Almost Had It All :)**

It's like my worst nightmare come true with my Da around, getting rid of him once and for all was the only choice I had. I had to do this for me, for my own sanity. I had to do this for us. Steven coming back to me after so long apart was the best thing to ever happen to me and there is no way in the world that I'm going to let that disgusting man tear us apart. It's like I'm not allowed to be happy because every time I am something happens to ruin it and I can't live without him now. Steven is in my veins, he's part of me and that's how it will always be. He was right when he told me…

"It's alright init when it's just you and me."

That's all I want now, me and him together, no one judging us, no one interfering and no Seamus. It's taken us so long to be a couple and for me to accept myself, I can't let my Da destroy me all over again. Trouble is he gets inside my head and all of a sudden I'm an eight year old boy again. I could come clean, tell Chez the truth but it would break her heart and I can't hurt her that way. Unlike me she has good memories.

"Brenda…Brenda…Brenda…Brenda…Brenda."

I will never forget the name calling, the beatings and the abuse all the while he is here. Getting Joel to kill the sick bastard was the right thing to do. Steven of course noticed my particular good mood and okay some of it may have been to do with Seamus but most of it was because of him, just when I think I couldn't love him anymore I do. I can't get enough of him, that boy is so addictive and knowing he feels the same way is what I'm fighting so hard to keep.

"Brought you some breakfast, don't say I don't do anything for you."

He comes in the club with breakfast looking hot as hell and I find myself starving suddenly but not for food. He leans on the bar and I feel so fucking happy just from looking at him and for the next few hours I devour him and show him just what he means to me. There isn't a part of him that I don't explore, that I don't touch and I consume him just like he has consumed me. There is no one else for me; I can't go back to that dark place without him and Seamus won't stop until he's taken everything from me.

"Bit weird though init, your dad just disappearing?"

Steven knows me better than anyone, he knows what I'm capable of but I couldn't tell him the truth. I hated lying to him but if he didn't understand then I'd risk losing him. I've already lost him once; if I lost him again I don't think I'd make it. I can't seem to win no matter what I do. It's only a matter of time though until he figures it all out, he's not stupid and when he thinks he's on to something he won't give up until he knows the truth. It's one of the reasons I love him so much.

"You were right; it's what he does isn't it? Walks in to our life and then he gets bored and he walks right back out again."

Sweet innocent Chez, she has no idea what kind of monster he is, she probably wouldn't even believe it if I told her what he did to me. Our childhoods were very different and she thinks the sun shines out of him. I feel sad for her, all she wants is her family around and although I hate Seamus, she loves him. I do feel guilty that I have now taken him away from her but it was either him or me and I think it's my turn to be happy this time.

"It's you and me again, like it's always been. You and me. I love ye."

I have always looked after Chez, she doesn't need anyone else as long as she has me. I hold on to her tightly and I think at this moment my life is complete, Steven by my side, Chez and I growing closer every day and Seamus dead. Then I hear the door open, I turn around and I am shocked to see him stood there. He looks slightly bruised and battered but that is all, I will make Joel pay if he has double crossed me again. I helped him with his step Da; it's only fair that he returns the favour. Fucking hell I should have just killed him myself.

"Has some body died?"

Oh how I was it was him more than anything, how I wish this was just a bad dream and the loud thumping in my chest and the feeling that I'm never ever going to be happy again wasn't real. But it is real and I feel sick, so sick that I can taste the bile in my mouth. I want him to suffer the way he has made me suffer, I used to want to know why he treated me so cruelly but now I don't even care, I just want him out of my life.

I hate the way he makes me feel, I hate the person I am when he is around or even near me. He has always treated me badly and he always will, he just can't help himself. Then I think of him, my beautiful Steven and I can't help but wonder what this means for us…what this will do to us. Seamus won't ever accept me as a gay man, he won't be happy until he destroys Steven and I. Just when everything looked like it was going to work out, I thought that nothing could ever come between us. We almost had it all.

**Please review **** xx xx xx**


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